Rab Rakha (chapter XX)

Rab- “You are my breath…”

Rakha- “You are my soul…”

                     “Will you marry me Rakha, let’s take the pheras right now, and let’s get married?” I did not know how to react; it was probably the most difficult situation of my life since my heart and my head were in never ending quarrel with each other. Rab I understand and respect your love, but would you understand me for a moment? I did not know how I was supposed to feel, my heart wanted to live the moment to the fullest and do everything that I really wanted to, even get married to Rab which would have required me break the trust of my God like parents. But my mind was pulling me back, scared of the consequences and how selfish I would have become by taking that step. Since the time I had met him, since three months now, my mind and my heart were never together even for a single day. That was one reason why Rab used to feel I was always lost and I was always in some other world. I wanted to do everything he wanted to, but my mind used to pull me back and I had infinite fears and duties to look after in my life. I was not happy; my soul was very depressed, all these moments and this phase would be a short lived time in my life.  It was the biggest defeat of your soul who knew in advance that its dreams would be shattered soon. Had anybody seen his dream getting destroyed right in front of him? I had, I was seeing my dream right in front of me and I knew it in advance that he would always be my dream and nothing more than that. We took four parikramas around the gurudwara, which were like four pheras for me…. I did not have the guts to proceed further…..!

                        Mentally and emotionally exhausted, we sat near the pool which was surrounding the gurudwara. The black water was said to have some magic in it, the pilgrim was immersed in the pool was a symbol of cleansing of the soul. So my fish, my Rab went where he belonged to, he quickly dived himself into the pool and he looked pure as ever. I had never seen someone look so free of fault before. Rab was a pure soul himself, but he was constantly in a war with his mind, he had this misconception that he was the cruelest human alive. He had no trust in his good deeds and he portrayed his false bad boy image to the world, but deep inside his heart he knew he was a God’s child. Like me he was a believer and a follower of God. Even if mentally we were apart, emotionally we were like mirrors to each other. When he had got done with the bathing, I gave him a hundred rupee note as a lady luck and with that I had passed him all my good luck and lucky charm which I prayed would always be with him even if I was not. He refused at once, he refused for everything I wanted to do for him, and he was very emotional that time, though he was physically present with me, but emotionally he had gone into his protective shell. I couldn’t go inside the water, I was full of guilt and even a hundred good deeds would have not made up for what sin I was doing to my Rab’s sinless soul. I could feel his pain, I could see his invisible tears and just like him I had gone inside my shell.

                               Dear God,

           If you listening to me, please see me through my heart. I’m truly and madly in love with a very precious soul of yours for whom I had waited for long twenty four years of my life. To get separated from him would be like being separated from my life. If he could take me to such an auspicious place and get me closer to you, he can’t be bad for me and my life. You know it of all, God how much I love him and how badly I need and want him. If you think I would deserve my love, I would be thankful to you all the time, for he is my last wish ever. Or else give him all my happiness and give me all his pain. We are Rab and Rakha for the world, God you can do anything and everything, please do some magic and make us RabRakha.

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

You can join my fan page by the name of 'Karnika Gupta' on facebook for more updates. 

                      

Rab Rakha (chapter XVII)

“I don’t want to understand you because if I do, I’ll be no where…”

I had been dressing up only and only for my Rab, since the day I had met him because nobody used to see me the way he used to and nobody used to make me feel beautiful about myself like he did. He had some magic in his eyes, his eye contact was so intense that I never gathered the courage to look in them and that I had to look away. He was such a beauty himself that I was on a constant effort to please his eyes. He loved pretty girls; he loved simplicity and gorgeousness in a woman. And on top of that I was so possessive about him that it was always a challenge for me to look even better every time I met him. I always wanted to show him the best in me; he deserved all the beautiful things and feelings in the world. He was absolutely everything I had ever wanted in my life and I could do anything to make him feel exceptional. It was a birthday party of a very special person, she was special to both of us, and she had invited us to celebrate her big day with her at her place. I was excited more than usual since the dress code for the event for traditional Indian wear for the girls and formals for the guys. I couldn’t let this occasion go out of my hand, I had to look exactly like what Rab would always dream her idol girl to dress up like and I was way too looking forward to the event.

                    

                 He had left the party leaving me complete, even when we did not display much of affection publically, but the kind of love he displayed through his eyes was enough for a girl like me. I was just hoping him to stay for longer or if not stay with me, then I wish he would have taken me with him because the minute he left me, I did feel very lonesome without him there. I still don’t figure out why was this case that somebody’s presence could make your existence so intact and the minute they left you, you would feel so diminished and divided. After the unforgettable moment that he gave me, I was sure of the very next thing I was about to do for him and before I could tell anyone about it, I found myself sitting with Tenzin, all set to take the similar pain my Rab went through around twenty days before the present day I would be sharing with you all. Because it was a Latino Hispanic tradition that when lovers get the same tattoo imprinted on their body, God keeps them together in their next birth too. So I was here, I wanted Rab not just in this birth or the upcoming one, but in all the births I was destined to survive, and I could go through any madness and pain to have him and be with him. Rab was obviously unaware of the surprise I was about to give him, only was friend Mahi, was giving me company in my dementia -fanaticism. Rab, my love I’m sure you would be reading me, while you were not there I did not use my flirting tricks to entertain myself, so you can secretly flash a victorious smile because like I know you, that would definitely be your first thought when you will get to know about my tattoo. It was not at all hurting me; I was infact very itchy to see his reaction. This time Tenzin needed no instructions, he knew he had to make the ‘ik’ and the ‘onkar’ together, I guess like Rab and I, even he wanted us to be close to each other.

Rakha,

                  I read you every day, I miss you every bit in my life. I love you from the core of my soul Rakha. I’m married to your soul and not even God can get me apart from you. I have given my heart and my breadth to you and I pray to the almighty to take all my happiness from me and put it in your lap. If my God loves me Rakha, he will write your name in my destiny, I know you are my unreachable dream but if I get you, I will get the whole world. You are my beautiful angel, nobody is like you, and since the time you have come in my life I see my life elevating because of your good deeds done. I dedicate my life, my soul, my words, my smile, my emotions and my tears to you Rakha. You love me with so much of density that you touch my soul. You ask me “ why do you love me so much Rab?”.  Rakha  you don’t need any reason to love your soul, your spirit, your secret self, that’s why I have no reason to love you. You are my Guru and I’m your biggest devotee, you are the nicest human alive and I salute to your morals and respect you for all that you have done for me. You are my prayer Rakha, you are a blessing to me from the lord and to love you is to love God. Your love has a passion, your love is addictive, and everything about you is enslaving and obsessive. Rakha what you did for me today, in return of it, I would give you anything, I would give you my life too and I’m being very honest about it. You don’t know how much I love you Rakha, I wish I could tell you but like you, even I’m unaware about it.

         “ I know one day when people will talk about love, they will talk about RabRakha… “

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

You can join my fan page by the name of 'Karnika Gupta' on facebook for more updates.