Rab Rakha (chapter VII)

                Rab- “Mahi, Did you speak to her ? Is she Happy?”

                  I can’t wait to see her next. She was so good to be true. She could understand my emotions more than I could understand them.  Oh, this feeling when the phone beeps on the unusual timings, this feeling of knowing that I have someone I can call when I want to, all of sudden my world started to look populated. She makes me smile even when she was not around, she is the one who makes me blush when she texts me something romantic, that she was. Her friends exchange her messages with me, she surely knows how to make my day bright and alive. I do not feel anymore that I’m dragging my life, she genuinely made efforts to make me happy, simply because she knows me, she understands my lonely side she knows how to pamper me, she knows how to make one feel special and exceptional, she is fantabulous, she is my charming angel.

               My day started when she used to wake me up early in the morning, before the dawn and on top of that - the weather , we met each other in autumn, that weather felt more chimerical, colorful and fancy when combined with her amorous poetic erotic voice. Waking up in the morning was now an amusement for me.  I used to feel I was in heaven when she used say all those utopian, otherworldly words to me. I could talk all mushy stuff with her, I could take her to the moon and make her dance among the stars. She never laughed on me, she never pretended she was being what I wanted her to be, she was naturally so identical to my thoughts.  I was in love with her thoughts, her feelings her passion towards love and life. I wanted to undress her conscience and  make love to her thoughts, for it was beautiful to watch that somebody wanted to slowly take down all the walls I had built around my heart  and let her inside. She made attempts and she was succeeding.

                                   Rakha, you win , I lose…!

               I started staying occupied, mentally and emotionally, I was distancing myself from all the negative thoughts and aura. My friends were calling me with different names, my colleagues started observing me, it took her just three days to change my solemn and intense look to a very flippant, joyful personality. I wanted to take care of her, protect her from all the bad times, I wanted to go out of the way and take her all alone on cloud nine.  For the first time I was living my dream, she came in my life with such positive changes, She was changing my routine for good, getting me a healthy regime, she was getting discipline in my life, she was giving relief to my mind and pleasure to my heart. For good seven years I had feelings for a beautiful girl who never acknowledged them, Rakha I’m glad, I met you, I’m certain my heart are in the most beautiful hands- my highness I’m always sitting on my knees with my arms open for you and I’ll always keep you on my chest so that you can always be close to my heartbeats. 

Rab,

Oh, Rab what did you just say? I have never heard something so divine and romantic before.  I have saved these words in the most treasured corner of my heart. If you deny the beauties and say these words to me, you don’t know what you are giving me. Refusing these words will be refusing love, I do not want to make the biggest mistake of my life by not acknowledging them, I have forgotten everything for the moment Rab, I have forgotten my own seven year fascination for a guy. If I had to hear this today then I’am glad he declined me and my words and I will happily be refused by all, just to be and hear you express.

                    My hundred vows and your one line- I give up…!  

             Rakha- “ Mahi, you met him today? Was he happy?”

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Rab Rakha (chapter VI)

   Dear Rab,

              Is it just what I was hoping to happen? How could we get each other’s telepathic messages?  At all the odd times when I used to think about him, it was insanely unbelievable to see my phone ringing with his name flashing on it. You could turn my tears into smile and vice-versa as you were controlling me emotionally and mentally with a responsibility that would have not crumbled me. I do not know how but I can see through your soul and I understand you more than I recognize myself.

               I do not know what relationship I had with you since what I was feeling was exceptionally  incredible , and where we will land with each other since I feel every second that to be with you Is like being with somebody who is much superior to me in every bits n tits but I promise to you that you will always be felt like you are the centre of my universe, you will  always be felt loved and so much that it might give you a reason to behave all high and mighty, haughty, pompous or vainglorious. It will give you tears and make your heart feel alive every time when I will pay my gratitude towards you for sweeping my feet off the ground. It might at times look phony and fictitious to you, or at times push you away from me out of frustration and suffocation and it might even make you repent for giving a part of your life to a irritating girl like me.

I will give you a part of me and after that I will not be having anything left to give. I saw my soulmate in you and the way you made me feel in just couple of days was what nobody could have ever made me feel like that. I do not have words to thank you for what you made me go through since those were the best feelings I was experiencing.  It is not normal that somebody could express to me exactly the way I had always dreamt about. He used to say the exact words that I had written somewhere in my secret childhood diary and sing those songs which were always humming in the most adored corner of my heart.  You truly know how to live since you done something for me that I will never be able to repay you.  

                                                              You win, I lose.

                Rab, for the love you have given me I promise to you that I would give you all that had been missing in your life and much more than that. For when I love someone I love him with a dedication that is at once hard to believe. I would be loyal to you all physically, mentally and emotionally.  When I see someone else apart from you, it will never be with an intention that will cross my own limits set by me. I only and only think about you in my thoughts as the man being most gorgeous and charming. There will never be a moment when I will be attracted to somebody for any xyz reason. I will give you love even at the times when it will not be your necessity, the kind and amount of love that will be enough for a lifetime. I will understand your emotions and would never give up on you until you would want to detach yourself from this connection. I would always convince you for the good time to come if we’ll ever have a bad time, I would always pray for you and your goodness.  And so much I wish I could do, so that if ever in our lives we are apart you will never be able to have any reason to shed a tear of not being loved.  Where ever you are Rab, I hope you are smiling. Rab Rakha……

              Rab- “if you have to give me a nickname, what would it be?”

              Rakha- “Soulmate…!”

             Rakha-“ if  you had to give me a nickname, what would it be Rab?”

             Rab- “Rab”

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter V)

   Rakha- “But what will I do on this stupid date. I do not even know him Mahi.”

 Mahi- “ Rakha, Either this date would be your worst date ever, or it would be out of the world.”

                              This is imaginary, this feeling is unbelievable, these words are just a prank being played on me, that evening was not real, that night was beyond my imagination it was stupendous. How can someone so identical to my dream lover exist in real? How can he look at me exactly the way I wanted somebody to look at me, how could he give me my desired compliments without even making an attempt to fetch them, how can somebody so stunning,  ravishing, grand, impressive and handsome appreciate a bumbling personality like me.  I believe he was just being a gentleman by being esteemed about our coffee meet , I mean it would definitely not forge ahead after this.  I will not complain if this doesn’t get prolonged, he did more than I could have ever asked for.

                                      I was gleaming and flushing and bursting of happiness and exuberance that night.  That man was a diviner, he’s got me in a paradise of animation, sprightliness and zest.  If you are reading me Rab, I want to confess today, that evening I did not wanted to leave you and come back to my world. But even If I was back physically, just like a black magic, I was hypnotized by your eyes, my heart was captured and I surrendered my soul to you.  You surely came to meet me with your tricks and like a flimflammer when I was getting lost in you, you pinned me down with an invisible string. There is an invisible string that binds us together and I feel I’m a puppet to you now.

                                 It was nothing but dreaming with open eyes. I had full faith in him that he would not contact me the other day and that evening would be left in my memories as an exquisite experience of my life. But I guess stars were in my favor, I was being very fortunate, blessed actually. Rab you blessed me by giving me the feeling of being wanting to meet me you again. I still have doubts if you will have this urge of knowing me more, when you will actually start getting to know me, but I was curious to know if you will speak good or speak the truth to the person who actually got us introduced.  I was impatient to know if you were feeling the same like me and I was wanting to know that from Mahi, my best friend.

             Mahi- “ how was it, Rakha. What happened?”

            Rakha- “MAGIC…!”

             Rakha,

                   Not believing me is like not believing in yourself. What I’m making you feel  is something that you must already be convinced about. I’m astonished that how could I be the first person to show you who you are.  You are a priceless Gem Rakha. Everything about you is magnetic and appealing. I see you and I feel I’m making love to you for the powerful, compelling ruling aura you have.  Why are you so full of doubts, about not being contacted again? I’m impatient to hear your bewitching flirtatious voice,  after a decade I have had a reason to be awake all night and think about someone so pure and attractive.  I’m assured I’m not dreaming, neither I was dreaming when I saw a halo around your head-                                                                                   

                       ‘ I dreamt about a girl like you’       


         

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter IV)

 If I start loving you Rakha, would you leave me and go?

                       I had an empty feeling that used to come from within, I long to share my feelings but nobody was there to listen. I felt overwhelmed, my mind was a crawl. I lay in my bed in the light of the moon, so that I don’t see those who aren’t for me. The flames spark inside me that heat up my fear, my thoughts were suicidal and my days were so drear. Emotional fires used to burn up in my head.  Fires of love and pain and regret.  Consumed in my own darkness, I used to slowly fade away.  I’m a lonely soul and I wander in the walks of life. I meet many souls but they come to be unfit for a lonely soul like me, I decide not to die but to face all the hardships of life.

                                    Rakha are you for real?  Take me to your world Rakha where resides love, where resides warmth and affection. I have been alone all my childhood, I have been lonely since forever now. I have not seen my childhood and I’m in pain when I realize I live alone inside the four walls. You live in a world of dreams and happiness, world of laughter and joy.  I possess nobody apart from pain, anger and loneliness. I promise you will never be introduced to my evil side, I promise I will never let my fate affect your world. Make me your shadow and be my shelter.  I will never get tears in your eyes, I will never show you my pain, I will never utter a word if that will block your way to happiness.

                                    But I fear of losing you, I fear of seeing you go, if I fall for you would you go? I will give you my everything Rakha, my love my loyalty my sincerity and my life. It is for the first time that somebody so angelic like you have urged to desire me and you have become my irresistible desire. I do not know what you see, when you see in me but it makes me want to be a better man. I know that happens when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you’d be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you’re going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn’t be there. Either that, or you’d confide in them and you added to their problems. Would you be a part of me forever and just be with me where I go?

  Rab,

 If I fall for you and if I start loving you would you leave me and go?  You love me because you do realize that I might get lost. But if I promise to be your part and love you till death does us apart, would you still love me with the same passion and spark. Leave your fear, your insecurities aside, love unexpressed is a love wasted for the entire life. Blessed are those who get the opportunity to express their love to the one they truly love. I promise to keep my fears inside and love you more than I will love my own life.  I’m not afraid of your loneliness and your anger, I’m happy for you Rab, I’m happy that finally you have met somebody you are ready to be her part, so why not allow her to get you rid of your disease , your illness. Life only starts when love comes, and it does not deserve to be crushed by fear and insecurities.  I love you for the soul you are, depressed and lonely, for I can see through your eyes, you have a lot to give and you will change my world. 

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter III)

Rakha:  You must watch ‘Shakespeare in Love’.  It’s an old romantic movie, I think you will really like  it.

Rab   :  I think we should see it together…!

                                            Red walls and chestnut brown tables, it was a tiny coffee shop, gentle murmur of the voices could be heard above the harsh sound of the coffee machine as it struggled to produce the steaming liquid beloved of the customers. Thank God this place was populated leaving me sure of the fact that I will not be conscious of him. Five minutes left for the date to start. Hmmm… We usually reach early when we are excited to reach the destination- I was nervous and distracted. My best friend tried her best to hook me up with many prince Charles of their lands, and always failed in doing so. So this time she decided to just forced this date on me, and even after trying every possible way to cancel it I was here waiting for the guy who secretly did steal my attention, leaving me curious and inquisitive.            

I think I was here to just find out ‘WHY?’

                                      Tall, Good  built, well dressed, soft spoken, courteous,  chivalrous, well-behaved, cruiser he was, those perspective two knowing dust sky black eyes judge me, stare me without blinking even for a second and I don’t know where to hide myself.  I did not have the courage to gaze back at him, he made me feel very conscious and for the first time I could feel I was looking BEAUTIFUL.  He was the master of saying the right things at the right time and most importantly I still remember the halts, his incomplete sentences (he sensed I would understand them)  and his purposely marked silence in between our conversation.  His magnetic aura did not permit me to keep the track of the limited time I had to make the most of this day. I’m not exaggerating, I thought I knew him since a WHILE .

                           I wish my place in his heart should be that of a mesmerizing girl. I did not know if I would have ever met this gorgeous man again, if he would want to meet me again, but he was everything I ever wanted in my life.  I do not wish for anything that I know I would not get it and so it was an intelligent decision to not expect anything out of this adventurous, hazardous meet.  After all he was from a very different world, a world that existed only in my dreams but the doors of which would never be destined to open for me. I knew it , I knew it all, it was a meet by mistake placed in my  very well-disciplined routine and I was strong enough to come over this temptation just that he should have not said this:

 Rab: I’m not the richest man in the town Rakha I only have few penny left in my account, But my heart is so big that I promise to keep you like a Queen.

Rakha: That’s so honest of you Rab. So honest of you.

Oh Rakha, Oh Rakha,

             Why did you say this? I saw an angel halo around your head, a spotlight flashed on you.  I saw my imaginary angel in you, your face like lightning, your eyes so hypnotizing and flaming torches.  You are the first woman who succeeded in making me fall weak on my knees.  You are as attractive as a black fox, you are my fire, my drug that will keep me away from dying.  I know I don’t deserve you Rakha, but you have sowed the selfish seeds in me that will make me want to ask you from God every second from now.  I felt something today Rakha, I’m feeling something today for the first time and it feels beautiful.

My dear best friend,  I don’t know about prince charming, but you have made me meet my ROMEO. I was destined to meet him, thank you for being a part of my blessing.

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter II)

She said “It’s ok. You don’t lose by loving, you lose by holding back Rab”….!

                  I never lost anything; I never lost anything because I never wanted anything in my life. I was alone and content and I never tried to have anything which I thought I would not get it- I was egoistic. Simple routine that I followed, the only good thing about my day was meeting varied souls and there were really no strings attached with any one of them.  I would walk a mile with a beautiful girl or just a beautiful soul once a while and MOVE ON…

 There was no such soul in the world that could UNDERSTAND me and there was no such girl who would be like my IMAGINARY ANGEL. She was my only friend, my mate, my inspiration to start my day and she was my only hope- my angel.  She was in my mind throughout which in a way stopped me in getting attached to enticing beauties surrounding me. LOVE is a trap and no trap can keep me mentally happy.  To sum up- I operated my mind more than anything, not knowing that we feel, we love, we get hurt, we cry, we laugh, we understand and at times we think through our HEART.

There is no GOD, and even if he exists then he’s definitely not watching over me. He disturbs my mind, I do not trust him and so I am not afraid of him. I am not afraid of him because I am not obliged to any of his acts, he has not given me anything that I would be afraid to lose.  I was lonely and our so called GOD could not do anything about it. I was a strong believer of humanity and spirituality, music and dance, beauty and mind.

If I could survive the world with my eyes and my mind what was really the need of using the heart?  And since there is no possibility that GOD would ever in love with me (that he’ll ever make me meet my imaginary angel),  I was affording a life where there were really no relationships and no feelings, no aims which required to go out of the way for somebody, no Love no pain- not at all…!  

          

RAB,

We do not feel through our mind, we feel through our heart. Mind will guide you wrong at times but your heart will never cheat on you. Sometimes we cannot believe what we see and in that case we must believe what we feel.  Usually people who do not trust themselves, do not trust others.  We always see our worst selves, our worst side.  We need someone else to get close enough to tell us we are wrong. Someone we trust.

I trust you RAB.  And it’s a beautiful feeling.

I was alone, I was a ruthless soul, spoiled and heartless, I was incomplete- until I met her..!

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha

Dear Rab,

I would give up all the things which I think are pretty. If only I could have you, for you are everything for me in the world and I have found a world in you…

                                    He is beautiful, so very beautiful “Rab” . His eyes are as mysterious as the calm sea, everything about him is so precious, more precious than all the gems in the world. His soul is the essence of the sky and earth, his smile is the smile of innocence. His feelings, his feelings are a volcano yet to explode.

                                 Pain vibrates deep inside of his gentle heart. A lock shuts in the disturbed thoughts of his mind, a mind with as many roads as the world has. He’s a pure truth- like a dark night sky, millions of stars twinkle within him. He is beauty as I defined it, he is perfect, his imperfections make him so.

                              He is a magician like a PIED PIPER MAN, nobody knows where he lives for he has his own world. His feelings are pure, his tears are like pearls in the sea. He is everybody’s, nobody is his… He is never alone yet he’s lonely. He has a heart of gold but he speaks the truth. He wanders alone on the road, his shadow is his best friend. He’s searching for something and he’s not aware of it..!

          

                            She is Charming, so very charming “Rakha”. She is a moon maiden or a wild flower, rare, beautiful and surprising. She stands strong and distinguished among the rest. She is beautiful in more ways than one, she is loved by all. She is more exciting than diamonds, much classier than gold.

                        Her heart beats with passion, she is pulsed with love. Her blood flows carrying to her fingertips the messages of love. Her brown cub eyes are vivacious and secretive, with shyness in her smile she has so many emotions to hide. Her beauty is in compassion, her beauty is in patience and knowledge, her beauty is in her grace and her style.

                       She lives in her dreams; she is a queen of hearts. She is a story teller she lives in a castle of her own. Her words are magnetic, her world is imaginary. She’s a selfless bird who wishes to fly. Her heart as delicate as the petals of a daisy, she is her God’s child. She’s waiting for someone and she’s aware of it..!

He is a fish of his ocean, she is a bird of her sky.

Can a fish and a bird fall in love?

They did and they are in love but how do they meet?

Beware and avoid me, You may derive no benefit from me and the only benefit that may accrue from my love story will avail those who are infected by the DISEASE called LOVE......

                                                                                            -Yours Rakha

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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