Rab- “You are my breath…”
Rakha- “You are my soul…”
“Will you marry me Rakha, let’s take the
pheras right now, and let’s get married?” I did not know how to react; it
was probably the most difficult situation of my life since my heart and my head
were in never ending quarrel with each other. Rab I understand and respect your
love, but would you understand me for a moment? I did not know how I was
supposed to feel, my heart wanted to live the moment to the fullest and do
everything that I really wanted to, even get married to Rab which would have
required me break the trust of my God like parents. But my mind was pulling me
back, scared of the consequences and how selfish I would have become by taking
that step. Since the time I had met him, since three months now, my mind and my
heart were never together even for a single day. That was one reason why Rab
used to feel I was always lost and I was always in some other world. I wanted
to do everything he wanted to, but my mind used to pull me back and I had
infinite fears and duties to look after in my life. I was not happy; my soul
was very depressed, all these moments and this phase would be a short lived
time in my life. It was the biggest
defeat of your soul who knew in advance that its dreams would be shattered
soon. Had anybody seen his dream getting destroyed right in front of him? I had,
I was seeing my dream right in front of me and I knew it in advance that he
would always be my dream and nothing more than that. We took four parikramas
around the gurudwara, which were like four pheras for me…. I did not have the
guts to proceed further…..!
Mentally and emotionally exhausted, we sat near the pool which was
surrounding the gurudwara. The black water was said to have some magic in it,
the pilgrim was immersed in the pool was a symbol of cleansing of the soul. So
my fish, my Rab went where he belonged to, he quickly dived himself into the
pool and he looked pure as ever. I had never seen someone look so free of fault
before. Rab was a pure soul himself, but he was constantly in a war with his
mind, he had this misconception that he was the cruelest human alive. He had no
trust in his good deeds and he portrayed his false bad boy image to the world,
but deep inside his heart he knew he was a God’s child. Like me he was a
believer and a follower of God. Even if mentally we were apart, emotionally we
were like mirrors to each other. When he had got done with the bathing, I gave
him a hundred rupee note as a lady luck and with that I had passed him all my
good luck and lucky charm which I prayed would always be with him even if I was
not. He refused at once, he refused for everything I wanted to do for him, and
he was very emotional that time, though he was physically present with me, but
emotionally he had gone into his protective shell. I couldn’t go inside the
water, I was full of guilt and even a hundred good deeds would have not made up
for what sin I was doing to my Rab’s sinless soul. I could feel his pain, I
could see his invisible tears and just like him I had gone inside my shell.
Dear God,
If you
listening to me, please see me through my heart. I’m truly and madly in love
with a very precious soul of yours for whom I had waited for long twenty four
years of my life. To get separated from him would be like being separated from
my life. If he could take me to such an auspicious place and get me closer to
you, he can’t be bad for me and my life. You know it of all, God how much I love
him and how badly I need and want him. If you think I would deserve my love, I would
be thankful to you all the time, for he is my last wish ever. Or else give him
all my happiness and give me all his pain. We are Rab and Rakha for the world,
God you can do anything and everything, please do some magic and make us
RabRakha.
Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for the people living outside India.
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