It was the most painful night of my life Rab. It still
breaks me in tears when I think about it, my Lord knows I’m the last person to
break somebody’s heart and to break the heart of the person who loves me the
most was what destroying me. I had
killed my heart to step over yours. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but if
you can understand me , if you can look into my heart and come to the knowledge
of the unique challenge I’m facing, If you could just come at my position and
feel what I’m going through, I would become your slave. What you can see is a soul full of love,
care, romance, understanding, joy and peace which is attracting you, but it is
just a camouflage of fear, cheerlessness, blahs and bleakness, defeat and a
Broken Heart. I might look like a free bird to you who had got you out of your shell,
but in real my flight had limited boundaries. It is you Rab, it is you who gave
me the wings to fly, as it is in my destiny to obey the laws set by nature and
the creator of the nature. My wings carry a burden full of responsibilities which
is never out of my consciousness, but which I happily forget only when you call
me in your world.
I
apologize to you Rab, Hundred apologies to you, what I’m going through was
something that I was aware since the first day I met you, I knew this truth
would break us apart but just to be with you now I was ready to go through
anything that could have happened to me in the future. I just realized today of
what would happen to a naïve fish like you, when suddenly one day will not see
any bird sitting near the shore, who would take you through imagination to the
world where creatures fly. I’m sorry but your depth, your pain your loneliness attracted
me and I couldn’t resist myself from flying back to the shore, when my heart
kept on reminding me that you will never be able to go inside the sea to your
fish nor will you ever be able to take him to your nest.
I can hurt myself but all I’m
concerned about is you and your heart. It
was genuinely the first time I had felt something so deep and intense for
somebody and I could not help myself but to put two souls on stake for my
selfish reasons and I’m not just carrying a heart full of guilt, what guilt
will I have when I know more than yours, it will be my loss to lose you. I wish
you would have not loved me so much Rab, this life would have been little
easier for me. Today you asked me
something which every girl in the world must be craving to hear that from you, It
was not a craving for me but an intense longing to be wanted by somebody like
you.
I want to Rab, I really want to be be with you
forever, if you can find a land where we can survive I will leave all and come
to you. And if that is not possible will you accept me with my cruelty and
selfishness. Will you accept me with my morals and responsibilities. Would you even make an attempt to understand
me of what I’m going through. My wings
are tied up, I feel so pinned and helpless Rab. I understand how it feels when you
swim alone in the sea like similarly how difficult it was to fly in sky,
unaccompanied, lonely and forlorn. I’m so emotionally attached to you Rab , I
couldn’t curb my desire to spend a moment with you , a moment which was a life
in itself for me. Would you still love me Rab? Would you still accept me after
the most blunt boorish confession I made to you tonight? I’m asking you something that you had asked
me, would you leave me if I fall for you?
It was the most inhumane, heartless conversation
I ever had with the person I loved the most and the most brutal coldest night of
the warmest season of my life.
“ I will answer all
your questions Rakha, but tonight I want to go back to my shell, last few days were a dream for me and what you
said tonight is a nightmare, all I have
to figure it out tonight is which one will stay with me in the end. Angel, i will still be waiting for you by the shore, but not tonight, not tonight..."
Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for the people living outside India.
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