Love is Forever

Magnetizing and Mesmerizing, I was in love with him since I was five. There was no one more beautiful than him. There was something about his aura that would pull me towards him all the time I gazed at him. You know we were those kind of lovers who would not question or begged each other for any answers, nor would we have to prove our love for each other. We were always there listening and feeling the silence one had to offer which no one would and could understand. He was serene, my angel and my enticing beauty. I could look at him for hours and feel him from wherever I was. He had lived a hundred years but he seemed that he was mine. He was lonely but he had so much affection to offer me without having any demand. I had longed for him every day and at winters it would become unbearable not to look at him. He was always there for me when I had passed my nights without any companion; with him I had never felt unloved and unwanted. He understands my emotional energies, and the feelings that make me feel comfortable and secure. Love based solely on emotions is pure and never dies. We were connected to each other and it has been written in my destiny by god, because he gave birth to me in the phase where he was my necessity and only he was required so much, to make me calm. He is forlorn and he’s a mirror to my soul. I smile with so many emotions and pain inside. Stars increase and decrease but his love is fixed and infinite. I howl when he promises me to go and come back when the time is right, but heart is sure he’ll always come back. I wonder what it like was to be like him, he was living for love and his love for me. I also wonder what it will take to reach him. With him I understood love was unconditional. He keeps a watch on me while I am sleeping and I can feel his light pass through my soul giving relief to my fire and desire to be loved. He would touch me and enhance my beauty, giving a shine to my humanly body. He was a sheer romance and it was because of his light and spirit I had known what it was like to feel love without having any physical interaction with anyone. He says he dies every morning because I yearn for him all night, yet it is my longing that he’s living for. He’s a symbol of love and lovers swear by him when they make all the vows. He’s witnessed Juliet and he tells me she was a beauty like me and Romeo was inspired by him. He says it’s beautiful when the wolves make love. It’s a pleasure to feel the absence and shed a few pearls from the sea of love when you miss your beloved. He tells me it’s a feeling in itself to witness a heartbroken lover walk alone with his shadow at night. He takes me to another world where I see the beauty in things I had never experienced before. He’s the one who make me sleep with his charming stories. He gives me a reconciliation that someone is there when the world leaves you on your own. I have heard people talking about him having a hole in his heart but all I see is his enchanting beauty, the hole is not inside him, he is inside a hole. And he lives in a void, scared to come near his lover, because he believes that is the place where he belongs.  It’s been more than twenty years now that I have loved him, but he still seems so far and lone. I cannot love anyone apart from him, because it’s him who will live and love me longer than me. I wish I could reach out to him, but everyone say I would have to fall in love with someone else who will take me to him. They say we all will one day become stars and then I will be with him. May be its true, my love story is incomplete and denied, I cannot have him, but my longing for him will never die and one day I shall become his favorite star, my Moon. 

Rab Rakha (chapter XX)

Rab- “You are my breath…”

Rakha- “You are my soul…”

                     “Will you marry me Rakha, let’s take the pheras right now, and let’s get married?” I did not know how to react; it was probably the most difficult situation of my life since my heart and my head were in never ending quarrel with each other. Rab I understand and respect your love, but would you understand me for a moment? I did not know how I was supposed to feel, my heart wanted to live the moment to the fullest and do everything that I really wanted to, even get married to Rab which would have required me break the trust of my God like parents. But my mind was pulling me back, scared of the consequences and how selfish I would have become by taking that step. Since the time I had met him, since three months now, my mind and my heart were never together even for a single day. That was one reason why Rab used to feel I was always lost and I was always in some other world. I wanted to do everything he wanted to, but my mind used to pull me back and I had infinite fears and duties to look after in my life. I was not happy; my soul was very depressed, all these moments and this phase would be a short lived time in my life.  It was the biggest defeat of your soul who knew in advance that its dreams would be shattered soon. Had anybody seen his dream getting destroyed right in front of him? I had, I was seeing my dream right in front of me and I knew it in advance that he would always be my dream and nothing more than that. We took four parikramas around the gurudwara, which were like four pheras for me…. I did not have the guts to proceed further…..!

                        Mentally and emotionally exhausted, we sat near the pool which was surrounding the gurudwara. The black water was said to have some magic in it, the pilgrim was immersed in the pool was a symbol of cleansing of the soul. So my fish, my Rab went where he belonged to, he quickly dived himself into the pool and he looked pure as ever. I had never seen someone look so free of fault before. Rab was a pure soul himself, but he was constantly in a war with his mind, he had this misconception that he was the cruelest human alive. He had no trust in his good deeds and he portrayed his false bad boy image to the world, but deep inside his heart he knew he was a God’s child. Like me he was a believer and a follower of God. Even if mentally we were apart, emotionally we were like mirrors to each other. When he had got done with the bathing, I gave him a hundred rupee note as a lady luck and with that I had passed him all my good luck and lucky charm which I prayed would always be with him even if I was not. He refused at once, he refused for everything I wanted to do for him, and he was very emotional that time, though he was physically present with me, but emotionally he had gone into his protective shell. I couldn’t go inside the water, I was full of guilt and even a hundred good deeds would have not made up for what sin I was doing to my Rab’s sinless soul. I could feel his pain, I could see his invisible tears and just like him I had gone inside my shell.

                               Dear God,

           If you listening to me, please see me through my heart. I’m truly and madly in love with a very precious soul of yours for whom I had waited for long twenty four years of my life. To get separated from him would be like being separated from my life. If he could take me to such an auspicious place and get me closer to you, he can’t be bad for me and my life. You know it of all, God how much I love him and how badly I need and want him. If you think I would deserve my love, I would be thankful to you all the time, for he is my last wish ever. Or else give him all my happiness and give me all his pain. We are Rab and Rakha for the world, God you can do anything and everything, please do some magic and make us RabRakha.

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter XVII)

“I don’t want to understand you because if I do, I’ll be no where…”

I had been dressing up only and only for my Rab, since the day I had met him because nobody used to see me the way he used to and nobody used to make me feel beautiful about myself like he did. He had some magic in his eyes, his eye contact was so intense that I never gathered the courage to look in them and that I had to look away. He was such a beauty himself that I was on a constant effort to please his eyes. He loved pretty girls; he loved simplicity and gorgeousness in a woman. And on top of that I was so possessive about him that it was always a challenge for me to look even better every time I met him. I always wanted to show him the best in me; he deserved all the beautiful things and feelings in the world. He was absolutely everything I had ever wanted in my life and I could do anything to make him feel exceptional. It was a birthday party of a very special person, she was special to both of us, and she had invited us to celebrate her big day with her at her place. I was excited more than usual since the dress code for the event for traditional Indian wear for the girls and formals for the guys. I couldn’t let this occasion go out of my hand, I had to look exactly like what Rab would always dream her idol girl to dress up like and I was way too looking forward to the event.

                    

                 He had left the party leaving me complete, even when we did not display much of affection publically, but the kind of love he displayed through his eyes was enough for a girl like me. I was just hoping him to stay for longer or if not stay with me, then I wish he would have taken me with him because the minute he left me, I did feel very lonesome without him there. I still don’t figure out why was this case that somebody’s presence could make your existence so intact and the minute they left you, you would feel so diminished and divided. After the unforgettable moment that he gave me, I was sure of the very next thing I was about to do for him and before I could tell anyone about it, I found myself sitting with Tenzin, all set to take the similar pain my Rab went through around twenty days before the present day I would be sharing with you all. Because it was a Latino Hispanic tradition that when lovers get the same tattoo imprinted on their body, God keeps them together in their next birth too. So I was here, I wanted Rab not just in this birth or the upcoming one, but in all the births I was destined to survive, and I could go through any madness and pain to have him and be with him. Rab was obviously unaware of the surprise I was about to give him, only was friend Mahi, was giving me company in my dementia -fanaticism. Rab, my love I’m sure you would be reading me, while you were not there I did not use my flirting tricks to entertain myself, so you can secretly flash a victorious smile because like I know you, that would definitely be your first thought when you will get to know about my tattoo. It was not at all hurting me; I was infact very itchy to see his reaction. This time Tenzin needed no instructions, he knew he had to make the ‘ik’ and the ‘onkar’ together, I guess like Rab and I, even he wanted us to be close to each other.

Rakha,

                  I read you every day, I miss you every bit in my life. I love you from the core of my soul Rakha. I’m married to your soul and not even God can get me apart from you. I have given my heart and my breadth to you and I pray to the almighty to take all my happiness from me and put it in your lap. If my God loves me Rakha, he will write your name in my destiny, I know you are my unreachable dream but if I get you, I will get the whole world. You are my beautiful angel, nobody is like you, and since the time you have come in my life I see my life elevating because of your good deeds done. I dedicate my life, my soul, my words, my smile, my emotions and my tears to you Rakha. You love me with so much of density that you touch my soul. You ask me “ why do you love me so much Rab?”.  Rakha  you don’t need any reason to love your soul, your spirit, your secret self, that’s why I have no reason to love you. You are my Guru and I’m your biggest devotee, you are the nicest human alive and I salute to your morals and respect you for all that you have done for me. You are my prayer Rakha, you are a blessing to me from the lord and to love you is to love God. Your love has a passion, your love is addictive, and everything about you is enslaving and obsessive. Rakha what you did for me today, in return of it, I would give you anything, I would give you my life too and I’m being very honest about it. You don’t know how much I love you Rakha, I wish I could tell you but like you, even I’m unaware about it.

         “ I know one day when people will talk about love, they will talk about RabRakha… “

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter XIII)

“ My love is more of a Hollywood, her love is more of a Bollywood…..”

I had a very light almost diminished mark of my previous tattoo on my big right arm which used to disturb her. Though her observation power was not too sharp, but that mark was always a topic of discussion for her. She wanted me to get a cover up tattoo done, and like I knew Rakha, my dominating angel, she got a new activity of thinking as to what will look the best on my huge gigantic arm, that used to keep her occupied. Once she decided to take up anything, she had to do it otherwise a poor guy like me who was a slave in her love, had to bare with her irritable and impatient mood, keeping me away from her soulful, colorful dreamy talks. Rakha was such a staunch, she had to do anything that came to her mind randomly and she was so good with convincing people that no matter how absurd her demand was, people who loved her had to bow down in front of her. But then, that was Rakha and whatever she thought and whatever she wanted to do had to be perfect and for the good of others, if not others atleast I trusted her on everything she thought for me, that it will be for my benefit.  How much I loved being ruled by her, Rakha you were the first woman who had this authority of controlling me, I was certain about your thoughts and intentions, the kind of a personality I was, it was really hard for me to give myself to someone fully. But I saw there was nothing about you that could harm me, I relied on you Rakha, I was dependent on you and it was an experience for me.

                    It was a tiny room filled with three people, Rakha, Tenzin our tattoo artist and I. Tenzin unfortunately had to be present not giving me a chance to love my gracious thoughtful Rakha. It was supposed to be painful, especially for a muscular person like me but it was not bothering me much since she was sitting with me to hold my hand and pass her soothing serene vibes. I was wearing a full sleeve t-shirt I told Rakha, “ its funny how you would be seeing me undressed, nowhere but in Public.”  Her eyes went down and she got conscious, that was a sign of a girl with a good character, she was totally my kind of a girl. It was going well, a fun time spent in that tiny room, but unluckily Tenzin was grabbing too much of her attention. Wow… this girl knew how to flirt and she was quite witty too. Rakha, I got jealous, and more than that I feel it’s more of a man’s job, you sound so good when you flirt with me, but I hate to see you even laugh with any other random guy. Tenzin was a smart guy, he observed my arm size so he did not have the guts to flirt back with her or else he would have ended up seeing a dentist that day. It was a terrific art work being done on my arm and I was loving every bit of it. I felt blessed and it was the most special gift being given to me since it will always be on my body and it will always remind me of Rakha, if only she will leave my mind ever.

My Dear Witty Rab,

                  I love you because you let me reign over you. I appreciate you since I can never let anybody rule over me the way I dominate you. It’s not because I do not trust anybody, it’s just how I’m, being the eldest one among my siblings I’m too habituated of commanding rather than taking one. But I assure you that I would never take an advantage of your trust on me. I feel lucky since you realize and understand our difference in personality, and you take it in a positive way. I trust you way too much but it’s just in my nature to demand things from people that will, at the end make them happy. I feel like making you happy by doing something or the other because just like you Rab, I’m selfish too and I care about my happiness which starts from you and ends on you. Nothing about you disturbed me Rab, even the marks on your body were attractive, it was only when some nasty people made fun of you that pricked me and I thought of shutting their mouth by getting it covered. I’m glad you trust me so much that you had let me satisfied my stabbed ego.

                  

 “ Tenzin, my Rakha is Onkar and I’m the Ik, together we are Ik Onkar. Make them closer so that they stay together forever…..”

RAB RAKHA……..!

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter X)

         “ I so wanted to kiss you, so I’m thinking if that was my lucky or unlucky day ”

                                All I wanted at the moment was to meet Rab, I was dying to see him, see if he was fine. We couldn’t sleep the entire night, and on top of that he had sent the most emotional song to accompany me in the most sorrowful night ever, which reminded me of his broken heart every second. I felt Rab, himself was singing that song for me. That was the magic about him, the density of pain his heart carried, used to attract me more towards him. He, his feelings, his emotional songs, his breath, his tears, his eyes everything about him was so magnetic to me. I was on pins and needles until I heard his dispirited voice. I felt I had send him back from where I had got him, he was sounding so lost and defeated.

                     So when our second date started, I went in some other world. I was lost in his scent, I was intoxicated by his scent, it was erotic. To sum up, this man knew all my hidden womanly secret and not just my eyes but other senses like my nose, ears and sense of touch were also getting fond of him. Right from the first date, I had noticed we used to wear the same color, hmmm… telepathy I guess.  That evening was so warm and enthralling, and what else could have I asked for, he was at his best.  He was an intense observer, he used to see me like he could see through me, making me feel very conscious about myself. Rab, was a typical male chauvinist and he wanted his woman to be all elegant, graceful yet simple and down to earth. But these were all the things that used to attract me towards him. He was commanding, he wanted to capture all my attention and it was so evident from his body language that he did not wanted anybody to even look at me. He made me feel very valued and protected.

                    I still ponder over the fact that how did he knew I was wearing anklets?  And it was something that made him happy which made me won an extra point for winning his heart. The date was getting awe-inspiring and awesome and suddenly he went on his knees and proposed to me. I was shrinking with shyness but the feeling was so unexplainably mesmeric and marvelous.  Rab you were the first guy who had proposed to me in public with such confidence and love. You gave me my much due status in your life officially which was an achievement for me. I was so happy, I was blushing like a pink rose, I had never felt like this before. You left me near my car like I was a responsibility to you, I did not feel like going back home but what really puzzled me that day was why were you walking behind me all the time? Were you ashamed of walking next to me? Or were you hiding our togetherness from the world?

Rakha, 

You were looking spectacular on our second date, so fit and so well dressed. Your light makeup, your kohled eyes, your light lip gloss, your complexion, the way you play with your hair, the way you walk with such confidence, the way you sit straight with your chest out, your shoulders, your soft rosy skin everything is a turn on for me and the way you blush, oh Rakha, the way you blush, that’s when you arouse the sensations in me. You made me happy simply because you gave me a chance to be your man and let me protect you and satisfy my male ego. I sensed you were wearing an anklet because I knew that you were aware of what I like in a woman and like always you never let me down. I couldn’t help myself for going on my knees which your male chauvinist Rab could have never done that for anybody, but its you Rakha, you make me forget my ego, you make me do things which I never thought I would have ever done in my life. You were so warm with your hug and, tonight I will have the most peaceful sleep in so long, since I had found my home in your arms.

  ‘ I love walking behind you Rakha, so that I can protect my woman from back and forward”

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter IX)

                                      It was the coldest night of my life Rakha. I have seen the cruelest time, I have been through such bitter experiences but when I met you I thought you are my medal I had won for running through such a hectic race in my previous time. You made me forget all my wounds and discomforts, you got warmth, hopes, dreams, you got me my zeal to live life. I couldn’t believe you cried for me that night, I couldn’t believe I gave you tears and I will never forgive myself for doing so. You are crying because you think you have broken my heart? Rakha what you told me was something I myself was aware from the first day I met you, I was just shattered for a bit because I was so lost and mesmerized in you that I forgot you are just a dream, you are just a season in my life that might end soon but will last in my thoughts till the last breath of my life.

                       I was astounded to see you breaking down for a fish (you were right Rakha) I agree with you I’m a fish I live in water , I accept you are a bird for you fly high, you live in the air you have the whole sky to breathe and you have high reaching, soaring aims in life. Even if we are emotionally, mentally and physically in all ways in love with each other, the fact that there is a wide gap between our worlds would not be taken away. You were shedding your valuable tears and taking all the blame on yourself Rakha, when it was me who was being selfish by expecting you to be with me. I should have thought that I was asking you to sacrifice on your flights, give up on what you are born for, and lower your altitudes. Love which takes you down is not love Rakha, and in true love you want the other person’s good. You took too much of a burden of guilt and wisdom on your shoulders Rakha, when it was my fault that I expected too much out of my life. You are an angel, you have wings and a halo and I was trying to pin you down to the ground when you are born to stay aloft beyond the sky in the heaven.

                           There was a time when in the shells I used to whisper my love songs, and secret rhymes,  I have longed for you for too long. I was too scared to come out of the water, you showed me the world more beautiful outside the shore, you showed me the moon you showed me the stars, you gave me the best feelings in the world. You will never have an idea of what you have done for me Rakha, simply because you don’t know the worth of your wings. And honestly that is one thing that pulls me more closer to you. If I can show you your worth by giving you what you deserve, which I doubt would be possible in this birth since no matter how much I would do for you will be less as compared to what you have given me. But even if i succeed a bit, I would feel that this fish of yours have done one worthy deed in his life. I genuinely want you to stretch your wings out, I want to you to apprentice the beauty and art of living life. I had always wished for the life you are living and if I will be happy if atleast you would be living it fully even if I will not be a part of it.

                           You asked me a very small thing Rakha, when you know me so well inside and out how could you think that I would now stop loving you. I regret for not being able to give you what you deserve and I apologize for not fulfilling your dreams.  Your tears are much more precious than this poor heart filled with intense love and longing for you. I see my happiness in your eyes Rakha, and I will not be able to acquire them if they will be filled with tears. I do not possess any grudges against you, I have a tiff with my God, for he wasted by granting me such a life, not because of my circumstances, but for the fact that you won’t be its part. Rakha, how much I was repenting that night for being where I’m, and my heart will always be howling to be with you.

 Dear God, if you are listening, I sincerely pray from the bottom of my soul to grant us a life of love birds,  in our next birth, so that I can fly with my Rakha, to the heaven so beautiful like a divine adobe, and where nothing will do us apart- sky or the shore, not even the nature, nor the creator, and not even the morals of Rakha.

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter VIII)

It was the most painful night of my life Rab. It still breaks me in tears when I think about it, my Lord knows I’m the last person to break somebody’s heart and to break the heart of the person who loves me the most was what destroying me.  I had killed my heart to step over yours. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but if you can understand me , if you can look into my heart and come to the knowledge of the unique challenge I’m facing, If you could just come at my position and feel what I’m going through, I would become your slave.  What you can see is a soul full of love, care, romance, understanding, joy and peace which is attracting you, but it is just a camouflage of fear, cheerlessness, blahs and bleakness, defeat and a Broken Heart. I might look like a free bird to you who had got you out of your shell, but in real my flight had limited boundaries. It is you Rab, it is you who gave me the wings to fly, as it is in my destiny to obey the laws set by nature and the creator of the nature. My wings carry a burden full of responsibilities which is never out of my consciousness, but which I happily forget only when you call me in your world.

                  I apologize to you Rab, Hundred apologies to you, what I’m going through was something that I was aware since the first day I met you, I knew this truth would break us apart but just to be with you now I was ready to go through anything that could have happened to me in the future. I just realized today of what would happen to a naïve fish like you, when suddenly one day will not see any bird sitting near the shore, who would take you through imagination to the world where creatures fly. I’m sorry but your depth, your pain your loneliness attracted me and I couldn’t resist myself from flying back to the shore, when my heart kept on reminding me that you will never be able to go inside the sea to your fish nor will you ever be able to take him to your nest.

                               I can hurt myself but all I’m concerned about is you and your heart.  It was genuinely the first time I had felt something so deep and intense for somebody and I could not help myself but to put two souls on stake for my selfish reasons and I’m not just carrying a heart full of guilt, what guilt will I have when I know more than yours, it will be my loss to lose you. I wish you would have not loved me so much Rab, this life would have been little easier for me.  Today you asked me something which every girl in the world must be craving to hear that from you, It was not a craving for me but an intense longing to be wanted by somebody like you.

                                      I want to Rab, I really want to be be with you forever, if you can find a land where we can survive I will leave all and come to you. And if that is not possible will you accept me with my cruelty and selfishness. Will you accept me with my morals and responsibilities.  Would you even make an attempt to understand me of what I’m going through.  My wings are tied up, I feel so pinned and helpless Rab. I understand how it feels when you swim alone in the sea like similarly how difficult it was to fly in sky, unaccompanied, lonely and forlorn. I’m so emotionally attached to you Rab , I couldn’t curb my desire to spend a moment with you , a moment which was a life in itself for me. Would you still love me Rab? Would you still accept me after the most blunt boorish confession I made to you tonight?  I’m asking you something that you had asked me, would you leave me if I fall for you?

  It was the most inhumane, heartless conversation I ever had with the person I loved the most and the most brutal coldest night of the warmest season of my life.

           “ I will answer all your questions Rakha, but tonight I want to go back to my shell,  last few days were a dream for me and what you said tonight is a nightmare,  all I have to figure it out tonight is which one will stay with me in the end. Angel, i will still be waiting for you by the shore, but not tonight, not tonight..."

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter VII)

                Rab- “Mahi, Did you speak to her ? Is she Happy?”

                  I can’t wait to see her next. She was so good to be true. She could understand my emotions more than I could understand them.  Oh, this feeling when the phone beeps on the unusual timings, this feeling of knowing that I have someone I can call when I want to, all of sudden my world started to look populated. She makes me smile even when she was not around, she is the one who makes me blush when she texts me something romantic, that she was. Her friends exchange her messages with me, she surely knows how to make my day bright and alive. I do not feel anymore that I’m dragging my life, she genuinely made efforts to make me happy, simply because she knows me, she understands my lonely side she knows how to pamper me, she knows how to make one feel special and exceptional, she is fantabulous, she is my charming angel.

               My day started when she used to wake me up early in the morning, before the dawn and on top of that - the weather , we met each other in autumn, that weather felt more chimerical, colorful and fancy when combined with her amorous poetic erotic voice. Waking up in the morning was now an amusement for me.  I used to feel I was in heaven when she used say all those utopian, otherworldly words to me. I could talk all mushy stuff with her, I could take her to the moon and make her dance among the stars. She never laughed on me, she never pretended she was being what I wanted her to be, she was naturally so identical to my thoughts.  I was in love with her thoughts, her feelings her passion towards love and life. I wanted to undress her conscience and  make love to her thoughts, for it was beautiful to watch that somebody wanted to slowly take down all the walls I had built around my heart  and let her inside. She made attempts and she was succeeding.

                                   Rakha, you win , I lose…!

               I started staying occupied, mentally and emotionally, I was distancing myself from all the negative thoughts and aura. My friends were calling me with different names, my colleagues started observing me, it took her just three days to change my solemn and intense look to a very flippant, joyful personality. I wanted to take care of her, protect her from all the bad times, I wanted to go out of the way and take her all alone on cloud nine.  For the first time I was living my dream, she came in my life with such positive changes, She was changing my routine for good, getting me a healthy regime, she was getting discipline in my life, she was giving relief to my mind and pleasure to my heart. For good seven years I had feelings for a beautiful girl who never acknowledged them, Rakha I’m glad, I met you, I’m certain my heart are in the most beautiful hands- my highness I’m always sitting on my knees with my arms open for you and I’ll always keep you on my chest so that you can always be close to my heartbeats. 

Rab,

Oh, Rab what did you just say? I have never heard something so divine and romantic before.  I have saved these words in the most treasured corner of my heart. If you deny the beauties and say these words to me, you don’t know what you are giving me. Refusing these words will be refusing love, I do not want to make the biggest mistake of my life by not acknowledging them, I have forgotten everything for the moment Rab, I have forgotten my own seven year fascination for a guy. If I had to hear this today then I’am glad he declined me and my words and I will happily be refused by all, just to be and hear you express.

                    My hundred vows and your one line- I give up…!  

             Rakha- “ Mahi, you met him today? Was he happy?”

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter VI)

   Dear Rab,

              Is it just what I was hoping to happen? How could we get each other’s telepathic messages?  At all the odd times when I used to think about him, it was insanely unbelievable to see my phone ringing with his name flashing on it. You could turn my tears into smile and vice-versa as you were controlling me emotionally and mentally with a responsibility that would have not crumbled me. I do not know how but I can see through your soul and I understand you more than I recognize myself.

               I do not know what relationship I had with you since what I was feeling was exceptionally  incredible , and where we will land with each other since I feel every second that to be with you Is like being with somebody who is much superior to me in every bits n tits but I promise to you that you will always be felt like you are the centre of my universe, you will  always be felt loved and so much that it might give you a reason to behave all high and mighty, haughty, pompous or vainglorious. It will give you tears and make your heart feel alive every time when I will pay my gratitude towards you for sweeping my feet off the ground. It might at times look phony and fictitious to you, or at times push you away from me out of frustration and suffocation and it might even make you repent for giving a part of your life to a irritating girl like me.

I will give you a part of me and after that I will not be having anything left to give. I saw my soulmate in you and the way you made me feel in just couple of days was what nobody could have ever made me feel like that. I do not have words to thank you for what you made me go through since those were the best feelings I was experiencing.  It is not normal that somebody could express to me exactly the way I had always dreamt about. He used to say the exact words that I had written somewhere in my secret childhood diary and sing those songs which were always humming in the most adored corner of my heart.  You truly know how to live since you done something for me that I will never be able to repay you.  

                                                              You win, I lose.

                Rab, for the love you have given me I promise to you that I would give you all that had been missing in your life and much more than that. For when I love someone I love him with a dedication that is at once hard to believe. I would be loyal to you all physically, mentally and emotionally.  When I see someone else apart from you, it will never be with an intention that will cross my own limits set by me. I only and only think about you in my thoughts as the man being most gorgeous and charming. There will never be a moment when I will be attracted to somebody for any xyz reason. I will give you love even at the times when it will not be your necessity, the kind and amount of love that will be enough for a lifetime. I will understand your emotions and would never give up on you until you would want to detach yourself from this connection. I would always convince you for the good time to come if we’ll ever have a bad time, I would always pray for you and your goodness.  And so much I wish I could do, so that if ever in our lives we are apart you will never be able to have any reason to shed a tear of not being loved.  Where ever you are Rab, I hope you are smiling. Rab Rakha……

              Rab- “if you have to give me a nickname, what would it be?”

              Rakha- “Soulmate…!”

             Rakha-“ if  you had to give me a nickname, what would it be Rab?”

             Rab- “Rab”

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter V)

   Rakha- “But what will I do on this stupid date. I do not even know him Mahi.”

 Mahi- “ Rakha, Either this date would be your worst date ever, or it would be out of the world.”

                              This is imaginary, this feeling is unbelievable, these words are just a prank being played on me, that evening was not real, that night was beyond my imagination it was stupendous. How can someone so identical to my dream lover exist in real? How can he look at me exactly the way I wanted somebody to look at me, how could he give me my desired compliments without even making an attempt to fetch them, how can somebody so stunning,  ravishing, grand, impressive and handsome appreciate a bumbling personality like me.  I believe he was just being a gentleman by being esteemed about our coffee meet , I mean it would definitely not forge ahead after this.  I will not complain if this doesn’t get prolonged, he did more than I could have ever asked for.

                                      I was gleaming and flushing and bursting of happiness and exuberance that night.  That man was a diviner, he’s got me in a paradise of animation, sprightliness and zest.  If you are reading me Rab, I want to confess today, that evening I did not wanted to leave you and come back to my world. But even If I was back physically, just like a black magic, I was hypnotized by your eyes, my heart was captured and I surrendered my soul to you.  You surely came to meet me with your tricks and like a flimflammer when I was getting lost in you, you pinned me down with an invisible string. There is an invisible string that binds us together and I feel I’m a puppet to you now.

                                 It was nothing but dreaming with open eyes. I had full faith in him that he would not contact me the other day and that evening would be left in my memories as an exquisite experience of my life. But I guess stars were in my favor, I was being very fortunate, blessed actually. Rab you blessed me by giving me the feeling of being wanting to meet me you again. I still have doubts if you will have this urge of knowing me more, when you will actually start getting to know me, but I was curious to know if you will speak good or speak the truth to the person who actually got us introduced.  I was impatient to know if you were feeling the same like me and I was wanting to know that from Mahi, my best friend.

             Mahi- “ how was it, Rakha. What happened?”

            Rakha- “MAGIC…!”

             Rakha,

                   Not believing me is like not believing in yourself. What I’m making you feel  is something that you must already be convinced about. I’m astonished that how could I be the first person to show you who you are.  You are a priceless Gem Rakha. Everything about you is magnetic and appealing. I see you and I feel I’m making love to you for the powerful, compelling ruling aura you have.  Why are you so full of doubts, about not being contacted again? I’m impatient to hear your bewitching flirtatious voice,  after a decade I have had a reason to be awake all night and think about someone so pure and attractive.  I’m assured I’m not dreaming, neither I was dreaming when I saw a halo around your head-                                                                                   

                       ‘ I dreamt about a girl like you’       


         

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter IV)

 If I start loving you Rakha, would you leave me and go?

                       I had an empty feeling that used to come from within, I long to share my feelings but nobody was there to listen. I felt overwhelmed, my mind was a crawl. I lay in my bed in the light of the moon, so that I don’t see those who aren’t for me. The flames spark inside me that heat up my fear, my thoughts were suicidal and my days were so drear. Emotional fires used to burn up in my head.  Fires of love and pain and regret.  Consumed in my own darkness, I used to slowly fade away.  I’m a lonely soul and I wander in the walks of life. I meet many souls but they come to be unfit for a lonely soul like me, I decide not to die but to face all the hardships of life.

                                    Rakha are you for real?  Take me to your world Rakha where resides love, where resides warmth and affection. I have been alone all my childhood, I have been lonely since forever now. I have not seen my childhood and I’m in pain when I realize I live alone inside the four walls. You live in a world of dreams and happiness, world of laughter and joy.  I possess nobody apart from pain, anger and loneliness. I promise you will never be introduced to my evil side, I promise I will never let my fate affect your world. Make me your shadow and be my shelter.  I will never get tears in your eyes, I will never show you my pain, I will never utter a word if that will block your way to happiness.

                                    But I fear of losing you, I fear of seeing you go, if I fall for you would you go? I will give you my everything Rakha, my love my loyalty my sincerity and my life. It is for the first time that somebody so angelic like you have urged to desire me and you have become my irresistible desire. I do not know what you see, when you see in me but it makes me want to be a better man. I know that happens when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you’d be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you’re going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn’t be there. Either that, or you’d confide in them and you added to their problems. Would you be a part of me forever and just be with me where I go?

  Rab,

 If I fall for you and if I start loving you would you leave me and go?  You love me because you do realize that I might get lost. But if I promise to be your part and love you till death does us apart, would you still love me with the same passion and spark. Leave your fear, your insecurities aside, love unexpressed is a love wasted for the entire life. Blessed are those who get the opportunity to express their love to the one they truly love. I promise to keep my fears inside and love you more than I will love my own life.  I’m not afraid of your loneliness and your anger, I’m happy for you Rab, I’m happy that finally you have met somebody you are ready to be her part, so why not allow her to get you rid of your disease , your illness. Life only starts when love comes, and it does not deserve to be crushed by fear and insecurities.  I love you for the soul you are, depressed and lonely, for I can see through your eyes, you have a lot to give and you will change my world. 

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter III)

Rakha:  You must watch ‘Shakespeare in Love’.  It’s an old romantic movie, I think you will really like  it.

Rab   :  I think we should see it together…!

                                            Red walls and chestnut brown tables, it was a tiny coffee shop, gentle murmur of the voices could be heard above the harsh sound of the coffee machine as it struggled to produce the steaming liquid beloved of the customers. Thank God this place was populated leaving me sure of the fact that I will not be conscious of him. Five minutes left for the date to start. Hmmm… We usually reach early when we are excited to reach the destination- I was nervous and distracted. My best friend tried her best to hook me up with many prince Charles of their lands, and always failed in doing so. So this time she decided to just forced this date on me, and even after trying every possible way to cancel it I was here waiting for the guy who secretly did steal my attention, leaving me curious and inquisitive.            

I think I was here to just find out ‘WHY?’

                                      Tall, Good  built, well dressed, soft spoken, courteous,  chivalrous, well-behaved, cruiser he was, those perspective two knowing dust sky black eyes judge me, stare me without blinking even for a second and I don’t know where to hide myself.  I did not have the courage to gaze back at him, he made me feel very conscious and for the first time I could feel I was looking BEAUTIFUL.  He was the master of saying the right things at the right time and most importantly I still remember the halts, his incomplete sentences (he sensed I would understand them)  and his purposely marked silence in between our conversation.  His magnetic aura did not permit me to keep the track of the limited time I had to make the most of this day. I’m not exaggerating, I thought I knew him since a WHILE .

                           I wish my place in his heart should be that of a mesmerizing girl. I did not know if I would have ever met this gorgeous man again, if he would want to meet me again, but he was everything I ever wanted in my life.  I do not wish for anything that I know I would not get it and so it was an intelligent decision to not expect anything out of this adventurous, hazardous meet.  After all he was from a very different world, a world that existed only in my dreams but the doors of which would never be destined to open for me. I knew it , I knew it all, it was a meet by mistake placed in my  very well-disciplined routine and I was strong enough to come over this temptation just that he should have not said this:

 Rab: I’m not the richest man in the town Rakha I only have few penny left in my account, But my heart is so big that I promise to keep you like a Queen.

Rakha: That’s so honest of you Rab. So honest of you.

Oh Rakha, Oh Rakha,

             Why did you say this? I saw an angel halo around your head, a spotlight flashed on you.  I saw my imaginary angel in you, your face like lightning, your eyes so hypnotizing and flaming torches.  You are the first woman who succeeded in making me fall weak on my knees.  You are as attractive as a black fox, you are my fire, my drug that will keep me away from dying.  I know I don’t deserve you Rakha, but you have sowed the selfish seeds in me that will make me want to ask you from God every second from now.  I felt something today Rakha, I’m feeling something today for the first time and it feels beautiful.

My dear best friend,  I don’t know about prince charming, but you have made me meet my ROMEO. I was destined to meet him, thank you for being a part of my blessing.

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha (chapter II)

She said “It’s ok. You don’t lose by loving, you lose by holding back Rab”….!

                  I never lost anything; I never lost anything because I never wanted anything in my life. I was alone and content and I never tried to have anything which I thought I would not get it- I was egoistic. Simple routine that I followed, the only good thing about my day was meeting varied souls and there were really no strings attached with any one of them.  I would walk a mile with a beautiful girl or just a beautiful soul once a while and MOVE ON…

 There was no such soul in the world that could UNDERSTAND me and there was no such girl who would be like my IMAGINARY ANGEL. She was my only friend, my mate, my inspiration to start my day and she was my only hope- my angel.  She was in my mind throughout which in a way stopped me in getting attached to enticing beauties surrounding me. LOVE is a trap and no trap can keep me mentally happy.  To sum up- I operated my mind more than anything, not knowing that we feel, we love, we get hurt, we cry, we laugh, we understand and at times we think through our HEART.

There is no GOD, and even if he exists then he’s definitely not watching over me. He disturbs my mind, I do not trust him and so I am not afraid of him. I am not afraid of him because I am not obliged to any of his acts, he has not given me anything that I would be afraid to lose.  I was lonely and our so called GOD could not do anything about it. I was a strong believer of humanity and spirituality, music and dance, beauty and mind.

If I could survive the world with my eyes and my mind what was really the need of using the heart?  And since there is no possibility that GOD would ever in love with me (that he’ll ever make me meet my imaginary angel),  I was affording a life where there were really no relationships and no feelings, no aims which required to go out of the way for somebody, no Love no pain- not at all…!  

          

RAB,

We do not feel through our mind, we feel through our heart. Mind will guide you wrong at times but your heart will never cheat on you. Sometimes we cannot believe what we see and in that case we must believe what we feel.  Usually people who do not trust themselves, do not trust others.  We always see our worst selves, our worst side.  We need someone else to get close enough to tell us we are wrong. Someone we trust.

I trust you RAB.  And it’s a beautiful feeling.

I was alone, I was a ruthless soul, spoiled and heartless, I was incomplete- until I met her..!

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

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Rab Rakha

Dear Rab,

I would give up all the things which I think are pretty. If only I could have you, for you are everything for me in the world and I have found a world in you…

                                    He is beautiful, so very beautiful “Rab” . His eyes are as mysterious as the calm sea, everything about him is so precious, more precious than all the gems in the world. His soul is the essence of the sky and earth, his smile is the smile of innocence. His feelings, his feelings are a volcano yet to explode.

                                 Pain vibrates deep inside of his gentle heart. A lock shuts in the disturbed thoughts of his mind, a mind with as many roads as the world has. He’s a pure truth- like a dark night sky, millions of stars twinkle within him. He is beauty as I defined it, he is perfect, his imperfections make him so.

                              He is a magician like a PIED PIPER MAN, nobody knows where he lives for he has his own world. His feelings are pure, his tears are like pearls in the sea. He is everybody’s, nobody is his… He is never alone yet he’s lonely. He has a heart of gold but he speaks the truth. He wanders alone on the road, his shadow is his best friend. He’s searching for something and he’s not aware of it..!

          

                            She is Charming, so very charming “Rakha”. She is a moon maiden or a wild flower, rare, beautiful and surprising. She stands strong and distinguished among the rest. She is beautiful in more ways than one, she is loved by all. She is more exciting than diamonds, much classier than gold.

                        Her heart beats with passion, she is pulsed with love. Her blood flows carrying to her fingertips the messages of love. Her brown cub eyes are vivacious and secretive, with shyness in her smile she has so many emotions to hide. Her beauty is in compassion, her beauty is in patience and knowledge, her beauty is in her grace and her style.

                       She lives in her dreams; she is a queen of hearts. She is a story teller she lives in a castle of her own. Her words are magnetic, her world is imaginary. She’s a selfless bird who wishes to fly. Her heart as delicate as the petals of a daisy, she is her God’s child. She’s waiting for someone and she’s aware of it..!

He is a fish of his ocean, she is a bird of her sky.

Can a fish and a bird fall in love?

They did and they are in love but how do they meet?

Beware and avoid me, You may derive no benefit from me and the only benefit that may accrue from my love story will avail those who are infected by the DISEASE called LOVE......

                                                                                            -Yours Rakha

Rab Rakha will be available on flipkart and infibeam for the people living in India and on www.uread.com for  the people living outside India. 

You can join my fan page by the name of 'Karnika Gupta' on facebook for more updates.